Entertainment

Plastic Bags Strangle Student

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MISHAWAKA—Plastic waste has been in the news recently. It is being touted as one of the great monsters afflicting the world and the environment today. What may not have been said was just how real of a monster plastic can be.  

The problem started at the beginning of the semester when more and more students began asking for to-go containers, primarily made of plastics, Styrofoam, and other non-biodegradable materials. When asked about it, Catherine Jones, a student employed at the Dining Commons, said, “It was never like this my freshman year. People actually ate with each other and talked instead of dumping more plastic into trash bins around campus. It’s definitely becoming a problem.” 

Ms. Jones was quite right, but she did not know just how right she was. This is October, the season when all things creepy, spooky, and mysterious come to life. It has even been said that inanimate objects of a more malevolent nature even come to life to carry out their nefarious deeds. What could be more malevolent than plastic? 

The fateful event happened Sunday October 13, around 11:30 PM. A student was walking from the Acorn back to his Eastwood apartment when he was assaulted and almost strangled to death by a plastic bag. A bystander who witnessed the event swore that she saw the plastic bags and Styrofoam to-go containers overflowing from the nearby dumpster form one “trash monster” and attacked the hapless student. Campus Safety was thankfully quick to respond and were finally able to drive the monster into the science building and stuff it into the campus’ solitary recycling bin.  

All those involved in the incident are safe and healthy now, but wish to remain anonymous. They also would like to encourage all of campus to be more mindful of how much plastic they use, and to think twice about getting food to-go.  

This story is a work of fiction. No person or Campus Safety officer or student was harmed. Any similarities or correlations between this story and real events is unintentional and coincidental.  

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